the Blog of Dairy

As I’m sure you all know, tonight is Mayor McCheese’s 304th “State of the Vaugely Defined Concept Town”, where he’s expected to cover topics like tort reform, and Free Ice Cream hour. Tomorrow, after all the dust has settled, we here at the LOD will bring complete coverage of his policies. And we’ll bring some angel food cake.

Today when I went to go and get the mail, I found a big package from Mayor McCheese. So, I take the box inside and open it, hoping to find some delicious homemade cookies, or maybe some hand knit sweaters for us, covered in ugly squares, or little buffaloes or something. But no. It’s filled with five dolls, each made of poop, shaped vaguely like members of the Legion of Dairy, and under all the poo is a note scribbled in crayon on kindergarten paper that says “Get out, or your next. Also, mow your lawn.”