Business 27 Jun 2006 02:42 am
From Russia with Love (Part One)
Sorry that it’s taken so long for me to post about our trip to Russia (honestly, who knew it wasn’t the “Union of Soviet Socialist Republics” anymore?), but it’s taken us twenty-five days to wash the stink of vodka and tomato soup out of our clothes. Anyway, onward, with the LOD’s patented semi-jingoism!
Our journey started mere moments after my last post, when egg NOG and I left to go to Dairytown International Airport (I’m the one in the bowler cap on the left, and egg NOG is dead center in the front), where we were treated like kings. Like kings of wrestling. Oooohhhh, I like that. I bet we can turn that into a sweet gimmick. Where was I? Oh, right, anyway, we landed in Russia to great fanfare. Even across whatever ocean it was we crossed, people love the LOD.
Our first day in that strange and foreign land was nice. I imagine that’s what the moon is like, but with more depressed people who talk like Balki Bartokomous from “Perfect Strangers”. For breakfast, we enjoyed what I understand is a rare Russian treat: a hot meal, made with actual meat. I’d say it was delicious, but that would make me a filthy liar. Ah, what am I doing? You guys don’t care about what we ate for breakfast! You wanna hear about the wrestling!
SO LET’S GET TO IT!!!!1
Our first match was on Tuesday, June 13th, and we rocked it hard. This was the toughest fight of the trip, because it was a handicap match. I know what you’re thinking:
“What, did they send thirty international stealth assassins after you, armed to the teeth with razor sharp katanas, uzi’s and codpieces that shot fire? No, it had to be fifty! There’s no way that a measly thirty ISAs would make the LOD sweat!”
Well, there weren’t any assassin’s, and there were no weapons. As a matter of fact, it was the LOD against one lone wrestler, and I’ve never been more terrified in my life.
This wrestler, you see, was crafted by nature to be the perfect combatant. His teeth are razor sharp, and he has enough raw power to rip a normal man in two with little or no effort. On top of that, man has taken this one step further, and enhanced him with targeting systems and lazer cannon that was mounted in his mouth.
We were going to be wrestling a cybernetic bear.
Like they say, gotta leave ‘em wanting more, so I’ll finish this story some other time (if I can remember too!). Goodnight hosers!