the Blog of Dairy

True story: God loves the golden shower. He also loves to knock out the water supply so I can’t shower. God is a sick fuck and I smell bad.

Speaking of stinking, my Cubbies lead cHEESE’s Buccos by a meer 1½ games to be the worst team in baseball. He told you about the game… he was pretty much right. Losing taking a lot of out you. We should’ve gone to the game on Tuesday or even on Wednesday. At least those loses were close.

Today, egg NOG, Hot Butter, myself and a friend of ours went to see the Pirates play destroy the Cubs. After the reckoning, egg NOG drove home, but being a Cubs fan and watching them get crushed by the second worst team in baseball, he was getting more and more tired as we drove on. I guess watching something like that would have some kind of draining effect on your soul, or something. I usually leave in the second inning to beat the rush. Anyway, our friend ended up taking over the wheel and driving us home. He got pulled over at some point on I-79, and this is what he said to the cop:

In response to today’s news that Pluto is gonna be considered a “dwarf planet”, YoGuRt would like to offer his carfeully considered criticism of the choice.

What? Pluto’s not a planet anymore?! Michael E. Brown, if I ever see you in the street, I swear to fucking God that you’ll get your comeupance!

I mean, I don’t know what you look like or anything, so if you see me coming, let me know so that I know to beat the ever-lovin’ blue-eyed shit out of you, okay?

There are a lot of people (oh, what they heck, here’s some more) that say that tomorrow is the day that Iran is gonna launch a nuclear attack on Dairytown. When reached for comment, Mayor McCheese had this to say: