the Blog of Dairy

by William Bojangles
Daily Mail Staff

Despite selling out his recent concert at the local Dairytown MegaAmpaTheataPlex, Kanye West was surprised to have to rap to row after row of empty seat.

“It’s just a real weird thing to see, you know,” said West, 30, when asked about the incident. “Most people, when they spend the money to see my shows, they show up, you know? I put on the greatest show on earth, and these people don’t want that? Crazyness.”

When asked for comment, Dairytown’s resident ruling cheeseburger, Mayor McCheese, had this to say; “While we do appreciate an artist of Mr. West’s stature coming to play our MegaAmpaTheataPlex, we simply cannot ignore the fact that he is terrible. Out of our simple southern hospitality, we were forced to buy the tickets, but no amount of humility could force me to listen to ‘Stronger’.”

Never on to let adversity get him down, the multi-platinum West played his show anyway. “Like I said, it’s the greatest show on earth. Just because nobody’s there to see it, don’t think I ain’t gonna play. Anytime anyone want’s to give me money to yell at some empty seats, I’m fine with that.”

“I would have gone, but I didn’t know who he was,” says egg NOG, a member of the Legion of Dairy, Dairytown’s most famous residents. “At first I thought he was that guy that sang that song that went “When I was seventeen/It was a very good year”, but that turned out to be Frank Sinatra. Then I thought he was the guy that went “‘Cause I’m still in Saigon!/In my miiiiinnnnnndddd!”, and I just… love that so much. So such a great song. YoGuRt was in the ‘Nam, you know? And he says that’s just what it’s like. What was the question? He, you don’t want a sandwich or anything, do you? Because I’ve got a whole pic-i-nic basket full of them in my trunk.”

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