the Blog of Dairy

There are a lot of people (oh, what they heck, here’s some more) that say that tomorrow is the day that Iran is gonna launch a nuclear attack on Dairytown. When reached for comment, Mayor McCheese had this to say:

Free Ice Cream Hour:

I think that everyone out there knows what the LOD’s position on free ice cream is (we think it’s delicious), but Mayor McCheese didn’t sound quite as enthusiastic as we do about this idea. Even though he did say “‘Free Ice Cream Hour’ is a wonderful idea,” he followed up with “but I feel that a window as large as an hour may be too much for our fragile ice cream economy. Therefore, I will push legislation through that will make free ice cream a reality, but at a much more reasonable interval.” I don’t know about you, but if it’s anything less than one solid hour, I’m going to have MiLk throw a dead bull elephant into his pool.

As I’m sure you all know, tonight is Mayor McCheese’s 304th “State of the Vaugely Defined Concept Town”, where he’s expected to cover topics like tort reform, and Free Ice Cream hour. Tomorrow, after all the dust has settled, we here at the LOD will bring complete coverage of his policies. And we’ll bring some angel food cake.

Today when I went to go and get the mail, I found a big package from Mayor McCheese. So, I take the box inside and open it, hoping to find some delicious homemade cookies, or maybe some hand knit sweaters for us, covered in ugly squares, or little buffaloes or something. But no. It’s filled with five dolls, each made of poop, shaped vaguely like members of the Legion of Dairy, and under all the poo is a note scribbled in crayon on kindergarten paper that says “Get out, or your next. Also, mow your lawn.”