the Blog of Dairy

Our resident computer nerd finally got off his lazy ass and fixed all the problems with everyone’s favorite waste of time. I don’t know what the hell we pay him for. Seriously.

So if you want to experience history, go look. Be amazed at what awesome looks like.

by William Bojangles
Daily Mail Staff

Despite selling out his recent concert at the local Dairytown MegaAmpaTheataPlex, Kanye West was surprised to have to rap to row after row of empty seat.

“It’s just a real weird thing to see, you know,” said West, 30, when asked about the incident. “Most people, when they spend the money to see my shows, they show up, you know? I put on the greatest show on earth, and these people don’t want that? Crazyness.”

Boy, it sure has been a while since we’ve posted anything. A long, long while, and yet you, our dedicated fan, show up in droves (sometimes once, or even two times a day)! To show you how much we appreciate your fanishness, please allow me to recap what’s been happening of late:

• MiLk and Hot Butter may or may not have joined up with a brand new promotion. Here’s a hint: if you see two guys on TV, it’s MiLk and Hot Butter.
• egg NOG got a job working in the booth on Monday Night Football. He’s in charge of uncomfortable silences, and he’s doing extraordinary work.

• Wrote and co-stared in the smash hit Broadway musical “The Legion of Dairy Go to Mars”. Here’s an excerpt from the fan-favorite number “Wrestler and the Martian”. 

  MiLk:
  Oh, the wrestler and the martian should be friends,
  Oh, the wrestler and the martian should be friends.
  One likes to probe an anus,
  The other has the Macho Madness,
  But that’s no reason why they cain’t be friends.

• Finally got around to reading the way too over-hyped “Chicken Soup for the Professional Wrestler’s Soul“.

Actual content later. Promise!

Behold: the “official” seal of the Legion of Dairy. Feel free to have it tattooed over your heart, to show that we own (or PWN!, as the kids these days say) it.

Later, I’ll regale you with more wacky news from Dairytown! Hilarious!

True story: God loves the golden shower. He also loves to knock out the water supply so I can’t shower. God is a sick fuck and I smell bad.

Speaking of stinking, my Cubbies lead cHEESE’s Buccos by a meer 1½ games to be the worst team in baseball. He told you about the game… he was pretty much right. Losing taking a lot of out you. We should’ve gone to the game on Tuesday or even on Wednesday. At least those loses were close.

In response to today’s news that Pluto is gonna be considered a “dwarf planet”, YoGuRt would like to offer his carfeully considered criticism of the choice.

What? Pluto’s not a planet anymore?! Michael E. Brown, if I ever see you in the street, I swear to fucking God that you’ll get your comeupance!

I mean, I don’t know what you look like or anything, so if you see me coming, let me know so that I know to beat the ever-lovin’ blue-eyed shit out of you, okay?

There are a lot of people (oh, what they heck, here’s some more) that say that tomorrow is the day that Iran is gonna launch a nuclear attack on Dairytown. When reached for comment, Mayor McCheese had this to say: